Gif Horoscope: June 2 - 8 

So this week is: No (Mon-Tues). Yes (Wed-Thurs). Pause (Friday). Go! (Weekend.)  

Looks like June is going to be a hot mess and all manner of weepiness may find you. BYOTissueBox. Step through it delicately. 

On Wednesday and Thursday, let the sunshine in…

The weekend brings some important communications that you’ll need to respond to (charge your devices) and remember that right now we can revise what it is that we want. 

Have a phenomenal week, star friends, 

Your amateur gif astrologer kthread 

(Note: Gif Horoscope is taking the summer off! We’ll see you on the flip side.) 

Gif Horoscope May 27 - June 1

Hello, gorgeous star people. Quite a week ahead. (Trust me.)  


Truly, we have a clever two weeks ahead of reveals. 

You are going to realize that some of your memories are not what you thought they were. 


People around you are going to overreach and overreact. It’s going to be sort of painful to watch and definitely tedious. 


We are now going into that mode again where we keep liquids away from electronics (that are going to be fritzy). And shifting week ahead on the friend front – you will release some (likelier friend and possibly romantic) relationship middle of the week with Venus on the South Node.

Here’s how to deal [acknowledge, move on]: 


With Wednesday’s new moon there will be some kind of standoff/walkoff and there is a lot of potential for you to mis-hear and escalate [try the eyebrow thing instead]. 


Just up ahead a few weeks or so, you will feel poised and glam. Try not to get drawn into the drama in the next few days so we can all tour together this summer like the big, happy, fabulous family we are.  


Gif Horoscope May 19 - 25

If the past few months have been bleary at work, with you giving a slow clap to the universe for the delay, this week that all changes. Give it a few days as Mars stations and the energy clears.  


Be extra nice to everyone on Wednesday, as we will all be sensitive, and start renegotiating relationships end of the week. 

Thursday especially we’ll be dealing with envy (of others, from others), which is how I feel when I think about the flawlessness of Prince. (Even his reflection! I die.) 


Sunday brings you into contact with someone that will be significant in your future as summer begins. Mercury retrogrades soon, and we’re out of Maybe purgatory and into a zooooom now…


Little Red Corvette of a week, star friends -

Your amateur gif astrologer kthread 

Gif Horoscope May 12 - 18

With Wednesday’s Full Moon in Scorpio (Buddha Moon! Think about enlightenment, understanding what you feel is your purpose),

this eclipse season ends. 

This is a week of prep work for the decision we’ll make on Sunday, and the middle of the week will be emotional,

as will Saturday and part of Sunday. One of your partnerships could unravel on Friday. But you’ve made it through all the eclipses, and you are ready for whatever comes next (and you likely have a pretty good idea of what the next is, too). 

Here we go, star friends - 

Your amateur gif astrologer kthread

Gif Horoscope May 5 - 11

We have a lovely week ahead, full of gifts (and gifs!)

Say yes to an added level of commitment to something on Wednesday. Maybe it’s to a red unitard. Commit! 

You may also see some random invitations this week of a partnering nature. Oh, and it’s time to finish that longstanding project. Early in the week, you will know how you’re going to get there from here. 

Bloom, star friends, bloom! 

Your amateur gif astrologer kthread 

Gif Horoscope: April 28 - May 4

You made it through the Cardinal Grand Cross! Woo! Now all that planetary energy is resolving into the new plan for your new life. Since last week (even if something big didn’t feel like it happened), we have been making fated choices. 

Like that Britney film, you are at a crossroads. 

Let’s move on. So there is a solar eclipse early Tuesday morning, and Tuesday and Thursday are days this week to say yes to new and unexpected offers. It’s a week about relationship choices too. 

If you’re into that sort of thing, it’s a good day on Tuesday to ask for help from powerful beings you respect. 

Thursday is going to be full of random new offers and painful, but the pain is so that you will actually ch-ch-change. Friday will be chill as you recover, and by the weekend, you will feel more in control of the energy again. Like so: 

Although we’re done with the Grand Cross, we are still in eclipse season. Click your gold heels together! Work it! New things ahead! 

Have a powerful week, star friends - 

Your amateur gif astrologer kthread

Gif Horoscope: April 21-27

This week is the one we’ve been waiting for - the Cardinal Grand Cross. 

It is going to be dramatic Tuesday and Wednesday as the cardinals face off in all their sequined glory. It is Showdown Time. (More on the spectacular 1967 film the above gif is from,”Les Demoiselles de Rochefort,” in my new newsletter.) 

Expect that big things are going to change - yours, the world’s. Uranus in fire means change can spread and feel like this. And I mean really like this: 

Your move is to observe the crazy, adjust your hair under your amazing millinery choices, and LET THINGS EXIT your life. Everyone is on edge, and let that guide you. 

After Wednesday’s Cross, we recover for a few days and our dreams will be intense through the weekend. You won’t feel rested, per se, no matter how long you sleep.  

So your mission is to make it through to the weekend, look for the weird little origami animals portending the future, 

revel in the knowledge that you GOT this Grand Cardinal Cross, 

and acknowledge that it is high time to change your outfit. 

We’ll get through this together, star friends - 

Your Amateur Gif Astrologer kthread 

Gif Horoscope: April 7 - 13

Quick gif horoscope list for the week: 

- Things are moving very, very quickly. Make sure you are watching which direction(s) they are going. 

- Try to be tactful and don’t pick a fight. Just do your thing really well, whatever it is. 

- Great week to just stay in, go to bed early, and rest. 

- People will voice romantic desires this week. Not a terrible week for a first date. 

But *first date* - try to go slowly this week before next Tuesday’s eclipse, okay? None of this: 

Have a great week, star friends - 

Gif Horoscope: March 31 - April 6

We are entering eclipse season. Illustrated by perennial Gif Horoscope favorite, Captain Jack Sparrow: 


Wait, come baaaaack! (The eclipses will find you anyway.)

Eclipse season is more about the planets having big, intense summits to work out their sibling rivalries. Maybe kick somebody out. (No, you can’t have Finland.) Often, it’s a little disjointed, but their interactions force us to change. You don’t have to ship it, but they’re queueing up as you read this for the next eight weeks. Venus is about to be into more than air kisses again.


This is a week of action (Finally. Yay. As an Aries, this is your Amateur Gif Astrologer’s favorite mode) and look for a reveal on Wednesday. Truly, this is a week when secrets spill out - that’s what happens when Mercury dances around. Dreams are going to continue to be huge. Write them down, look for patterns. (Mine are taking place in U.S. national parks.)  

Watch for troubled communications on Wed, Thursday, and Friday. And remember, all the energy is yours to watch for and direct/deflect in useful ways. You have to ask for what you want. 

(re: Dear Universe. I want […]   ) 

From: Universe  

To: You



Go get ‘em, star friends - 

Gif Horoscope: March 24 - 30

This coming Sunday is the beginning of……..eclipse season, and we’ll have a new moon, always fun. With last week’s vernal equinox on Thursday, you probably felt the shift from watery energy to fire.

We are taking (and about to take) actions now that things have been revealed in the past month. And so it is a week of big dreams and deciding how you want to realize them. Not if you do, but how you will

Four gifs below for your week ahead, dear star friends - 

Your Amateur Gif Astrologer kthread