Gif Horoscope: April 21-27

This week is the one we’ve been waiting for - the Cardinal Grand Cross. 

It is going to be dramatic Tuesday and Wednesday as the cardinals face off in all their sequined glory. It is Showdown Time. (More on the spectacular 1967 film the above gif is from,”Les Demoiselles de Rochefort,” in my new newsletter.) 

Expect that big things are going to change - yours, the world’s. Uranus in fire means change can spread and feel like this. And I mean really like this: 

Your move is to observe the crazy, adjust your hair under your amazing millinery choices, and LET THINGS EXIT your life. Everyone is on edge, and let that guide you. 

After Wednesday’s Cross, we recover for a few days and our dreams will be intense through the weekend. You won’t feel rested, per se, no matter how long you sleep.  

So your mission is to make it through to the weekend, look for the weird little origami animals portending the future, 

revel in the knowledge that you GOT this Grand Cardinal Cross, 

and acknowledge that it is high time to change your outfit. 

We’ll get through this together, star friends - 

Your Amateur Gif Astrologer kthread 

Gif Horoscope: April 7 - 13

Quick gif horoscope list for the week: 

- Things are moving very, very quickly. Make sure you are watching which direction(s) they are going. 

- Try to be tactful and don’t pick a fight. Just do your thing really well, whatever it is. 

- Great week to just stay in, go to bed early, and rest. 

- People will voice romantic desires this week. Not a terrible week for a first date. 

But *first date* - try to go slowly this week before next Tuesday’s eclipse, okay? None of this: 

Have a great week, star friends - 

Gif Horoscope: March 31 - April 6

We are entering eclipse season. Illustrated by perennial Gif Horoscope favorite, Captain Jack Sparrow: 


Wait, come baaaaack! (The eclipses will find you anyway.)

Eclipse season is more about the planets having big, intense summits to work out their sibling rivalries. Maybe kick somebody out. (No, you can’t have Finland.) Often, it’s a little disjointed, but their interactions force us to change. You don’t have to ship it, but they’re queueing up as you read this for the next eight weeks. Venus is about to be into more than air kisses again.


This is a week of action (Finally. Yay. As an Aries, this is your Amateur Gif Astrologer’s favorite mode) and look for a reveal on Wednesday. Truly, this is a week when secrets spill out - that’s what happens when Mercury dances around. Dreams are going to continue to be huge. Write them down, look for patterns. (Mine are taking place in U.S. national parks.)  

Watch for troubled communications on Wed, Thursday, and Friday. And remember, all the energy is yours to watch for and direct/deflect in useful ways. You have to ask for what you want. 

(re: Dear Universe. I want […]   ) 

From: Universe  

To: You



Go get ‘em, star friends - 

Gif Horoscope: March 24 - 30

This coming Sunday is the beginning of……..eclipse season, and we’ll have a new moon, always fun. With last week’s vernal equinox on Thursday, you probably felt the shift from watery energy to fire.

We are taking (and about to take) actions now that things have been revealed in the past month. And so it is a week of big dreams and deciding how you want to realize them. Not if you do, but how you will

Four gifs below for your week ahead, dear star friends - 

Your Amateur Gif Astrologer kthread

Gif Horoscope: March 16 - 23

Hello again! Last year on March 20th, I stood three dozen eggs on their ends. When the vernal equinox happens this Thursday at 12:57p ET, you can balance eggs upright on the sidewalk because IT WILL BE SPRING.

We still have deep emotional energy to work through this week, just like last week, 

and some friend and some romantic relationships are going to roll away around Wednesday. Be nonplussed like Lisa. 

As you can probably feel, the closer we move toward that big Cardinal Cross on April 23rd, the more intense everything in our life feels. (In this Grand Cross, the cardinal (“male”) signs meet, and one pair opposes each other, and the other pair squares off. We’ve been looking ahead to this event for months now, and it’s the moment when big things in your life will definitely change.) 

It is for the ultimate good and our transformation of self, though. And maybe we’ll all start rocking thick eyeliner afterwards. Mmm. 

What will happen this Monday, Wednesday, and Friday is a reveal of our patterns. Could be a big reveal one of those days. You’ll find you are extra intuitive this week (just go with it). A week to actually take notes. 

After the vernal equinox on Thursday, it will be a productive few days (especially Friday and Saturday) with the new fiery boost. Sunday will be chill. 

And dearest of star friends, my birthday is this Saturday, so now you know: your favorite Amateur Gif Astrologer (not-an-astrologer-I-just-gif-a-lot) kthread is an Aries.

Happy spring to all of us! 

Gif Horoscope: March 3 - 9 

Another big week in the skies. You’ll be productive on Monday and Tuesday, then on Wednesday, Venus will enter Aquarius, so romantically, you will feel detached. Like so: 

Some changes to your nurturing and living patterns are about to happen.  


And it’s rather important this week to take the high road. 

You’re really not in the mood to take it from anyone right now (especially with the Grand Trine in Fire), so dance up and away – and focus on how creative you can be Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. (Very.)  

Know that we’re all thinking about the decisions we made in mid-November. Three weeks to spring. 

Have a great fortnight, star friends - 

*Note: Gif Horoscope Amateur Astrologer kthread will be on leave next week. We’ll return the week of March 16th. 

Gif Horoscope: Feb 24 - March 2

The next two weeks are going to be bananas. 


No, like even more bananas. This kind of bananas: 


(And like the rest of that scene too.)

This is what happens when the planets throw elbows. Be ready for decisions to be made and then quickly reversed this week, and best to work on renegotiating relationships with each other. 

Things are going to fall apart. Trust. This is supposed to happen. 


Friday you’ll have a beautiful moment of clarity, and Saturday we have a new moon. On Friday, Mercury comes out of retrograde and goes direct (so our devices will love us again by the weekend, but keeping backing data up religiously and keep drinks away from keyboards until then). 

Remember that the energies in the skies are going to feel a bit frozen until next week - take yourself for walks this weekend. Breathe. 


As Mars goes into retrograde, we are going to make new deals with our personal drives (in our hearths, bedrooms, and work places). Sort out what you want to aim at, but don’t let the arrows fly just yet. 


I’m rooting for you, star friends - 


Your Amateur Gif Astrologer kthread

Gif Horoscope: Feb 17 - 23

It’s a we-all-float-on kind of week. Tuesday is your power day to accomplish things. Also, say thank you to the important people in your life. 


Wednesday (and Thursday) you’ll say something that you’ve needed to say for a long time. Let that one fly. 


Thursday is one of those days when something ends and also when you should decide you’re not going to let it slide this time. Speak up. Imma listen to “Wild Girl" from Rickie Lee Jones today. Good day to think about gender norms and how those might be confining your decisions. 


Sunday is a day with a reveal - you may not want to see someone in your life for who they really are. It’s time to recognize that. 

One month until spring. 


Have a big week, star friends - 

Gif Horoscope: Feb 10 - 16

Tuesday of this week, we will be asked to commit to your place in the world. And you’ll meet someone Tuesday afternoon that could be important to your future (potentially career-wise). 


Even though it’s February, this is a good week to grow parts of your life.


And also, to reorganize systems, your habits. This could be fun. 


No, but seriously. Understanding your personal patterns is empowering. 

There is a full moon on Friday, 


and while it’s not a week of frilly or frivolity this year, the weekend is a good moment for being dramatically clear, and fierce in your loves. 


Have a great week, star friends - 

Gif Horoscope: February 3 - 9

Two big themes emerging this week. Starting on Thursday, we have Mercury in retrograde until the end of the month. Back up data, keep liquids away from devices, etc. 

Secondly, it’s going to be a feisty week of potential fights. You can use the fighty energy to let go of things, especially Thursday night and Friday. Know that people around you are spoiling for a fight all week. 

Wednesday, put some attention around oceans, weather systems that come off of them, etc. Some tears. (This is also a week to make some money decisions about the future.)  

This weekend looks to be fun and full of learning new skills. All week, go to the doctor when you are concerned about a health issue - it will grow more serious if you don’t treat whatever it is. 

Have a good week, star friends. Be “honest and unmerciful” in your writing style, and know that I’m uncool and always home for you.